Talk Yourself Confident
Have you ever stopped to listen to how you speak to yourself?
Take a second to recall the last conversation you had with yourself, how did it go?
Was it kind, compassionate or true … ?
Would you speak to your best friend that way?
I’m asking so many questions because I bet i can guess the answers.
How many of you are critical of yourselves daily and reprimand yourselves for being human.
Yesterday I went out for 3 hours and left a window downstair in my house wide open. We live in a relatively safe area, a little village in Oxfordshire so the likelihood of any harm coming to our house, dog or belongings was minimal.
But, still as I drove around completing my chores I reprimanded myself in a way I would not anyone else; my daughter, partner or friend…
My inner voice sounded a little like this
“You’re so forgetful, it will be all your fault if we get burgled, I cannot believe how stupid you can be … “ On, and on I went …
Truth is I was juggling a million things as I left and I was very distracted. It was an easy mistake to make and unlikely to cause any real harm.
So, how does this story – fascinating as it is relate to confidence.
I’ll tell you.
Self-talk is actually the thought patterns you focus on – some are positive while others are highly negative and can do the most damage to your confidence level.
If I’m constantly telling myself I’m crap, then I’ll start to believe it.
Left unchecking negative self-talk may also be a factor in depression and anxiety issues which are serious conditions.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and negative self talk can be changed, it just takes practice.
Changing your thought patterns from negative to positive may not be easy at first – especially if you’ve practiced negative self-talk all your life.
Helpful Hints & Tips
But, you can change the way you talk to yourself and improve your confidence level. As usually I have some handy hints for you to try:
- Be realistic in your self-talk. To tell yourself you’re dumb or ugly is a negative self-talk pattern which can be overcome by assessing your real assets. Chances are, you’ll find that the words, “dumb” and “ugly” are words which don’t fit you at all. Play up your virtues and play down your faults.
- Be kind to yourself. Showing yourself some compassion is like commiserating with a close friend who’s going through a difficult time. What would you say to that person? Say the same to yourself and build your self-esteem and improve what you think about yourself.
- Weed out old messages you’ve been hanging on to. Messages you may have received from your parents, advertising and other forms of media may be detrimental to your confidence level and overall well-being. The way you weed them out of your mind is simply not to think about them. As they begin to sneak into your consciousness, immediately replace them with positive thoughts.
- Learn to recognise disempowering thoughts. Sometimes, we may let thoughts take over our minds which do nothing for us – in fact, they take away our power. Learn to recognise these types of thoughts and also learn how to kick them out of your thought process.
- Focus on the big picture. Negative thoughts tend to focus on the here and now rather than the big picture of your life. Don’t waste your energy on thinking about things you can’t do anything about – like traffic jams or losing your job. Instead, focus on the future and how you can get to where you want to be in a few years.
Make A Change
The first step to changing any habit is to recognise and understand it. When I’m working with my clients on confidence building I ask them to spend some time noticing their own self-talk over a day or few days.
I ask them to write it down and we discuss it and using the methods above we replace the negative self-talk with some more positive and realistic phrases.
That might be a step you can take, if this is something that resonates with you.